I had a post in the works for this Christmas season. I trashed it this morning. In it’s place, I’m just going to speak my truth. Maybe you will relate to it, maybe you won’t. Maybe someone out there needs to hear this, so I’ll write it for them.

I hate Christmas. There. I said it. Not the true meaning of the holiday, but the way it plays out.

Every year I struggle with the same things. Sadness. Depression. Feelings of inadequacy and failure.

It begins innocently enough. At the first signs of the season, happy childhood memories flood in. I remember all the fun we had as kids. It was all quite magical. This is quickly followed by a deep sadness. The longing for the Christmas of years gone by. The excitement I felt as a young girl is now replaced by the harsh realities of divorce, financial hardship, loss of loved ones, etc.

Sure, I love the Christmas songs. I love giving gifts. The lights and decorations are all beautiful. Christmas day itself is almost always fun once it arrives. But the time leading up to it? It’s always a struggle. Trying to get everything done. Trying to find the perfect gift. As a mom, I feel responsible to make the holiday great for everyone else. And I fail miserably at it.

Somehow, I’m blank on what to buy. Somehow, there never seems to be enough time, money, energy, etc. You name it, I don’t have enough of it.

Tv, social media and advertisements don’t help. You’re supposed to feel joyful, happy, even giddy.  After all, it’s the most wonderful time of the year, right? Right?

Then we’re told, keep Christ in Christmas, stay focused on the true meaning. That will bring the joy. But what if it doesn’t? What if you’re missing a loved one who’s passed away? What if you miss the life you thought you were going to have that didn’t happen? What if you find yourself alone this year? What if you’re not alone, but still feel alone?

And how do you do that anyway, that staying focused thing?

Here’s what I came up with. I’m trying it out this year, maybe you’ll try it to. I’m writing it like a list of instructions.

Turn your heart to the scene in the manger.  Maybe it won’t bring the exhilaration of childhood memories, but a calm peace. In the cry of a baby in the still of the night our eternal destination was sealed. He came and experienced life as one of us, then gave his life up to reconcile us to the father. For you. For me. All we have to do is believe.

When you see the lights on the houses and trees, think of the star of Bethlehem and the stars in the sky. The beauty of creation.

When wrapping gifts, think of the baby wrapped in swaddling clothes.

When you exchange hugs and kisses of greetings or goodbyes, think of Mary kissing and hugging the miracle of her newborn son.

When you are shopping for bargains and trying to decide if an item is worth the price, remember that Jesus thought you were worth full price, the cost of his life.

Find the joy. Find the peace. In your own quiet way, find the beauty and meaning of Christmas. Forget the expectations, the assumptions of bubbling over happiness and laughter. Never mind the stuff you are being fed by the media. That’s not reality for so many.

And when you feel sad, pray it up to our heavenly father. Tell him how you feel. He already knows everything about you anyway, and is always there waiting.

If all else fails, grab your remote and fast forward to the new year. Oh, right, we can’t do that! But the new year is up ahead, that time of year of new beginnings, second chances and hope. Always hope. Hold on to it, never give up.

Merry Christmas from me to you.

Love, Carolyn

“Life isn’t easy. Together we can make it better.”