My dear friend,

It’s so hard to believe you’re gone. It wasn’t unexpected, and yet it was. Because you fought so long and hard, it seemed this day would never come. And yet it has.

My mind tells me to be happy your suffering is over and I am. I truly am. But my heart selfishly wants you here, to share in the life we are still traveling through.

When I heard you didn’t have much time left, I felt an odd sense of peace and relief. Your struggle was about to end, and you would head to the next life. The one where there is no more pain, no more sorrow, and no more tears. But once you were gone? My own tears began to flow.

I know full well if the choice had been yours, you would have stayed. At times I begged God to heal you. At times I felt guilty when I didn’t think he was going to, as if somehow my disbelief would change the hand you were dealt. Many times I had to remind myself that he was God, and I was not. Oh my friend, if earnest prayers were to make a difference, you would have been healed, as so many were lifting them up.

But healing was not granted. And yet it was, it just wasn’t meant to happen on this side of eternity. Healing has come to you at last.

We used to joke around a lot. You laughed easily at everything, even while going through those awful treatments. You never let on to the severity of it, and only rarely was there a glimpse of your fear. It seemed you cared more about the comfort of others than your own, and maintained hope all the way to the end. Perhaps that is why it’s especially difficult to let go. Even when it became impossible for the tide to turn, I wanted to soak in your positivity and believe the direction would change and you would be cured.

Your fight may be over, but you will not be forgotten. I will honor your life by striving to be more like you. I’ll do my best to be more positive about life’s circumstances, to grant acceptance and friendship to all, and to offer a smile and laughter no matter what.

Even still…I will miss you.

Years ago, I came across a sign in a hospital which touched me deeply. I can’t remember the exact words, but it was something like this:

Until we meet again…

Love,
Carolyn

“Life isn’t easy. Together we can make it better.”