Oh, my goodness, the tears are trying to spill out of my eyes again. Today is Christmas and like many years, I begin the day feeling sad.

This year is no exception, but it certainly has been an exceptional year. The good, the bad and the ugly have come upon us.

Each holiday season rather than feeling joyful and cheerful leading up to Christmas, I feel a sense of melancholy. I long for things of the past. For my youthfulness, excitement, and enthusiasm for life. These all seem to escape me and instead are replaced by longings and regrets.

I long for the days when my children were young, when I saw the pure joy on their faces as they attacked the gifts under the tree.

I long for the days when I felt needed, and the ridiculous amount of love I had for my babies could be lavished upon them in kisses and hugs and cuddling.

I wish I could right all the wrongs and offenses of the past and have a do over.

And right now, this year? I just want to see my family in person, like we did before the dark cloud of Covid began hovering over us.

And- I wish my mother were still here, for she represents my childhood, my life and the memories of all that’s gone before.

Oh darn, I just let a tear slide down my cheek.

Please, someone out there tell me I am not alone with these feelings.

But here we are. Yesterday is gone, though not forgotten. Tomorrow is not promised, though we hope for it. Today is what we have.

Today is a blessing, whether it’s felt in the moment or not. A chance to ponder all that is right, not all that is lost or wrong.

I sit in the quiet of the morning before our Christmas tree. It’s rather ugly, actually. It just didn’t really come together this year and we didn’t much care. No theme, not particularly beautiful. The tree is small so we’ve overloaded it with ornaments to make it appear fuller.

These ornaments represent a lot of years, a lot of life from Christmas celebrations gone by.

So time marches on. We’ll add new memories and new ornaments and one day these years  ahead will be added to the “good old days”.

Even this year. The year that drew us in and kept us together and caused us to enjoy the simple things. We have each other and most of all, the Savior, born to reconcile us to God and bring the hope and promise of eternal life.

Now that IS something to celebrate.

The family will be up soon, and the sadness will be replaced by the fun of the day.

Merry Christmas, friends!

Love,

Carolyn

“But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart.” Luke 2:19 (NIV)